I know that getting old is a serious matter, but we have gathered together a whole gaggle of "you know you're getting old when...." jokes, comments & great one liners overheard in bars, on the streets, television & over the internet.
We hope you have as much fun sharing them with us, as we had collecting them for you!
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"You Know You're Getting Old When....."
* The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife. * Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. * A fortune teller offers to read your face. * Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. * Your back goes out more than you do.
* You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before. * You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. * Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. * Your children begin to look middle aged. * Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. * It takes twice as long to look half as good. * You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. * Your knees buckle and your belt won't. * You and your teeth don't sleep together.
* Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. * You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation. * Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. * You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. * Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. * Your ears are hairier than your head. * You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. * You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
* Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. * You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course. * You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. * You can live without sex but not without your glasses. * You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
For Good Measure - here's a few famous quotes, quips & witty repostes all about getting old!:
Mark Twain - "wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been".
Ralph Waldo Emerson - "the age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles!".
Richard Needham - "for the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done!".
Sinclair Lewis - "whatever poet, orator or sage may say of it, old age is still old age!".
Henry David Thoreau - "none are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm".
Andrew Carnegie - "as I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do".
Maurice Chevalier - "old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative".
Tom Wilson - "wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age,sometimes age just shows up all by itself".
Dorothy Fulheim - "youth is a disease from which we all recover".
Joan Collins - "the problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer!".
Leon Trotsky - "old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man".
Diana Cooper - "age is an ugly thing, and it goes on getting worse".
Harold Coffin - "middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with you!".
Mark Twain - "consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of paradise!".
Marty Bucella - "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day".
Josh Billings - "in youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us".
Bob Bowen - "we are only young once. That is all society can stand!".
Helen Rowland - "the follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity".
Bob Hope - "you know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!".
Brigitte Bardot - "it is sad to grow old but nice to ripen!".
Mark Twain - "the first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity".
Arnold Glasow - "find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition!".
Malcolm Forbes - "by the time we've made it, we've had it!".
Elizabeth Barrett Brownin - "a woman's always younger than a man of equal years".
Truman Capote - "life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act".
Bette Davis - "old age is no place for sissies!".
Tom Stoppard - "age is a very high price to pay for maturity".
Mark Twain - "age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!".
Don Marquis - "age is not a particularly interesting subject, anyone can get old!".
George Burns - "you can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old!".
Ralph Waldo Emerson - "all diseases run into one - old age!".
Aristotle - "bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age".
Victor Hugo - "forty is the old age of youth, fifty the youth of old age!".
Gene Fowler - "he has a profound respect for old age, especially when it's bottled!".
Lucille Ball - "the secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age!".
Bob Hope - "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for a nap!".
Pope Paul VI - "in youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long!".
Jules Feiffer - "maturity is only a short break in adolescence!".
Bob Hope - "middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle!".
Holbrook Jackson - "no man is ever old enough to know better!".
Golda Meir - "old age is like a plane flying through a storm, once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do about it!".
Calista Flockhart - "so people think I'm lying about my age all the time? It's the records that are wrong!".
Logan Pearsall Smith - "the denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of old age!".
John Glenn - "there is still no cure for the common birthday".
J.B.Priestley - "we pay when old for the excesses of youth!".
Bill Cosby - "when you become senile, you won't know it".
George Bernard Shaw - "youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children!".
Let Ronald Reagan Have The Final Word!
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